I was just listening to a report about the latest attempts by governments to relieve banks of their “toxic” assets.  The problem is, apparently, that banks are reluctant to sell because they are unable to value these assets.  Old new, perhaps, since that ignorance was part of the cause of the problem.  The trouble is now that the banks have a sneaking feeling that they may be selling too cheap and losing out.  These people just can’t get it right, can they?

I heard Caroline Lucas (Green Party MEP) speaking on Radio 4 the other day and was pleased to hear her speaking against car ’scrappage’ – a proposed deal whereby consumers are subsidised to scrap old, non-green cars. I don’t often agree with here – I consider her more a religious leader than a politician – but she doesn’t always get it wrong.

My own vested interest here is my large estate car, which would be anathema to the average green, but which I drive fully loaded surprisingly often. The idea that a vehicle with another 100,000 miles possible life in it being scrapped in favour of the creation of a vehicle that might be new and more economical is fine. Trouble is, if you think it through, you might conclude that the energy required to create this new car, even up to the point I start using it, is rather greater than that required to fuel the current one for the rest of its life.

Also, if we scrap the current one, we immediately introduce a further energy bill for the scrapping process, none of which contributes to getting me from A to B when required. When the current vehicle can no longer be economically repaired, then it will be time to scrap it, but for now, all the additional carbon cost associated with the vehicle goes to moving it.

The lesson here, children, is – be aware of the difference between capital costs and running costs. These apply to carbon usage as much as to financial accounting.

So the former masters of the universe are beginning to hurt a tiny bit. The FInancial Times reported yesterday that yet again, Wall Street is worried that too much regulation will drive its talent abroad. What response can the rest of us offer other than ‘Bring it on!’? These are the people whose ‘talent’ created a giant bubble of illusory wealth which they then sold to the rest of the world.

So just who is going to offer them a job now? I wouldn’t trust any of them to sweep a road properly. There was a similar case of a new graduate looking for his first job and ‘threatening’ to go to Dubai if no one in London would recognize his amazing worth. There is a desperate need for a large and fierce injection of reality here, preferably with a blunt needle.

These people are little different from con-artists. They are really good at part of what they do, but it is going to take a generation before they are trusted again to the extent that we all let them get away with over the last twenty years. Still, we must remember that ‘within living memory’ these days is about five years, tops.

Lots of retailers going bust in the UK. I’m not sure if this is a tragedy or not. We lost our Woolworths about twenty years ago, and it wasn’t that much missed. A lot of the names that are going under leave me completely unmoved since in many cases there is no local shop and in quite a few cases, I haven’t even heard of the chain (“Passion for Perfume”).

Today, perhaps coincidentally, I heard someone on Radio 4 suggesting that maybe the UK has too many shops.

So much for brands!

And if I am asked once again whether a “brand” is the sort of thing I identify with, I shall decend to a very crude level of language indeed.

Somewhere, there is clearly a customer service academy used by all large organisations where people have to deal with customers.  This academy is introducing a number of really horrible habits.

Number 1

I think the one I hate most is the closing line.  Just when you have managed to survive to the front of the queue, have finally been dealt with, and with a sigh of relief you are about to escape to something more congenial, you are asked “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

I have various responses to this question, but the readiest is “Well you haven’t helped me with anything yet, so how can you help me with anything else?”, but this morning, I did manage “That question always makes me really angry.”

Number 2

My second is the way people give you change with the notes first and the coins on top.  For me this is the wrong way round.  I prefer to grab the notes (the high-value items) and stow them safely before worrying about the coins.

Number 3

Shop assistants who chat on their mobile phone while ’serving’ you.  Very rude.  KILL!!

Number 4

Notices that start “For your comfort and convenience, please…”  That is invariably a warning that what follows will do anything but add to your comfort and convenience.